is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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