great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
