she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
