Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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