shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
