I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How naked do you want me to be?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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