im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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