so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
