It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
