Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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