I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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