Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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