I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
