turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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