Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
