It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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