I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
