The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This is the high leading the old right now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
