Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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