Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
