i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
