Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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