I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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