Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
