how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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