Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize