I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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