my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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