I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
