this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
