So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
