i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just cropdusted the office
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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