just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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