Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
