honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
