my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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