I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
