Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
