I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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