i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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