Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sarcasm needs its own font
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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