I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
