Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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