scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You ruined the universe
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
