oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
