I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
