I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
