do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
