Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
