Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
