Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
