TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
