Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
