The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
