It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
