Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
