just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So squirting runs in the family.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize