i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
