You made me cry and you don't even care
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
