The maid of honor just puked.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
