If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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