WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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