1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
