his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i out mim tonsoeep
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