its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
