I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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